The Wind

Hope everyone is doing well that doesn’t follow me….oh wait thats everyone, but I am almost afraid to start broadcasting my blog because of who might read it and who might take it to seriously.  I guess thats always been a fear of mine, I have always been the in-between person or the person that doesn’t really say his two cents cause they don’t matter in the long run.  I have always had a great group of friends from many different back grounds, cultures, etc etc and i believe that to be because i don’t really put myself on one side of the fence.  I am  the perfect representation of a “floater” as my mom would say.  The kid that floats around with my ADD and just does whatever. This is a whole different topic all together so i will get back to that in a moments time………….

This past weekend was  a great one, spent the day Saturday riding around on my motorcycle and going to my girlfriends brothers soccer game and just like it says………….feeling the wind against my face.   Many of you, if not all of you, have had the wind hit your face on a nice day in any season.  But have you ever really felt the wind? What i mean by that is….well in comparison to what i feel is that when the wind blows have you ever just stopped and really felt that breeze against your face? I mean its a beautiful feeling and it makes me close my eyes that much slower, smile that much bigger, and breath that much more.  Its like it goes straight to my soul.  I have grown up my entire life in the church, and what i mean is that my parents are both leaders in the church.  I spent a majority of my younger life going to church camps, Sunday school classes, etc etc.  I went to church not because of church i went because of my friends and it’s been that way ever since.  This will also spur into another topic as well but for me i found that feeling of worship or what i think is basically thankfulness, in many different ways and in many different places.  This last weekend i sat out on the deck of my girlfriends parents house with a glass of wine and got a nice breeze directly in my face that made me put my head back, close my eyes, and be grateful that i can even experience that type of feeling.  It is a beautiful thing; i guess thats why i love riding my motorcycle so much.

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Categories: Uncategorized

ok so i couldn’t wait….

April 22, 2011 Leave a comment

So I know that i said i would make you wait to talk more about my job but it cannot wait……

So for the last 2 years i have been working in the development office of a local hospital and quiet frankly have loved every minute of it but hated every second of it as well.  What do i mean….well i love the mission at which my work place stands for, i love working with people that know what there doing and love working with them because they love this place but i Matt— hate my “job” without a doubt.  But before i get into why i don’t like my job you have to first be a person that understands perspective.  Like all you fools out there that dog on people that make good money and  continue to strive to make more money.  I am person that truly believes in the joys of life without money so don’t get that all confused.

Here is an example…..A good friend I work with who is an assistant director at the age of 30, which in my workplace is great accomplishment, said that he was thinking about leaving because he wanted to be a director and run his own show by the age of 34 or something like that and immediately he got scrutinized for it.  Sure from the outside looking in you might say; damn isn’t he happy with having the roll he does now? Well i am sure he does but to him his goals were set for X and to get to X he needs to do Y.  It’s all in perspective.

Moving on……..

In terms of my job i get people telling me constantly; you have an awesome job….you get to go to events, meet great people,  and work for a great place. Well this is all true but i am sorry to say i want more! No i am not selfish, no i am not greedy, no i am not an asshole its just plan and simple.  I have passion to help others and that is what i want to do but i sure as hell don’t want to do it in a small way but a big way and I sure as hell WILL NOT give up my own personal wants to do so.  You confused yet?…….

Ok here is food for thought…….many of the people that work at jobs like mine or “selfless” jobs where you go to work to simply raise money for charity, etc etc; go home to a stressful wishful life because they don’t get paid to do so. Think about that…..real people that make it their living to help others can’t even afford to maybe get a nice car, or go on a nice vacation, or perhaps go to a few baseball or football games with their kids because they don’t make enough money, isn’t that a bunch of BS or what?!!! The life of a person in non-profit is to knowingly give of yourself to strive to better the world but that one person can’t even better the life of himself in the process.

I know some of you might be thinking that because someone who has a job to help people should be so blessed and happy because they are helping others should in-a-sense carry over  into their personal lives and make them feel “allllllllll better”….absolutely not.  Sure, everytime i tell anyone the place i work and what i do they light up with excitement which really does make me feel allllll better but that is only from 9-5, 5 days a week. when i go home i still sit there and dream of all the places, people, and things i wish i could do but yet i work in a world that would cut my head off if i ever made good money for helping others when my passion to help others seeps out of my body every second.  A persons worth should be measured by their passion and the results that passion brings.

Another last example…….I work with a gentlemen who used to work for United Way and came here to work because of well better pay….he is responsible for mass mailings and does one hell of job each day.  He has a passion to help people…but you know what, he rides to buss and has to where cheap ties and dress clothes because he can’t afford it other wise. When the day comes that i am in charge of brining people on to my team i will be especially looking for qualities in passion and dedication.  And I won’t be a boss that will make you feel like helping people is a job because it’s not its a passion and you should live a normal life for having such passion…not one of worry and quilt because of bills and other nonsense.  If you have any further questions check out a book called “Uncharitable” it will make you think differently about non-profits all together.

Categories: Uncategorized

I am trying i swear……….sort of

April 22, 2011 Leave a comment

I never really new how challenging it may be to communicate my life with just a freaking post or just with anyone outside my circle.  I even make a living because I am paid to socialize…..this is true. 

I am not by any means a person that updates Facebook a million times or tells everyone everything i am doing, and don’t get me wrong i truly like hearing about what people or up to or where they are, etc.  But as much as i would like to update my status and this blog i deep down think that well nobody really cares.  I have such a huge prejudgment at times when people post stuff that i almost am afraid of getting that same retribution right back at me.

The amount of things that go through my mind are endless and my brain never really shuts off…..really sucks when you try and sleep and your mind won’t shut the hell up.  You might think that the best way for me to communicate all of those random thoughts would be to have a blog and update it and well i promise ill try but i have always my whole life just constantly told myself to stop bitching and deal with it. So in that regard i do and i keep it to myself because in all reality sometimes my two cents are not worth being said.

I could really could go off right now about whats on my mind but that will be for the next post, and it’s about work.  Just to give you a heads up …..I work in the non-profit sector and work for an amazing organization but many times, at least for me, it’s not as it seems which may get you all wondering…..how the hell could you be complaining about a job like that? You’ll see…………..

Categories: Uncategorized

YA Ok

April 15, 2011 Leave a comment

And I am on a blog………trying to make sense of everything that goes through my very tangeled brain that i like to think is well versed and well managed by my surroundings but as always its not.  So this will be interesting to say the least.

I encourage all of you to hang out and read what i think and try to make sense of it all.  Everything from my low times, to my blessings, and to my ramblings about a nasty fart.  My life is nuts in my own mind so this should be fun. 

Categories: Intro